My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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