i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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