i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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