Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
