You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
