just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize