imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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