kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
