can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
