i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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