one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
