id be glad to
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
