I checked into jail on foursquare
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
