Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
