Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
