Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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