I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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