You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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