You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
