And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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