On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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