At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Randomize