Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
