I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
