I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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