You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
