i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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