i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
