using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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