Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
