You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize