Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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