dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
