Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
