I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
