i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
