The maid of honor just puked.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
