Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
