Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
