You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
