This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
