i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
