Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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