If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
