got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
