Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
