and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize