i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
