you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
