Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
