It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Jerry, you need to find god
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
