I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
