Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it's like iHOP with fire
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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