had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
