Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
