yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
