Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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