He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
