Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
