bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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