Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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