I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
