1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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