What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize