she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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