how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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