coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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