you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
