You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
