It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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