He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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