I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was CRYING into my vagina
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
