My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You need a sexual gate keeper
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
