After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize