I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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