I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
