I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
FUCK WHALES
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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